No, this isn't a pity party...I just wonder if I have a certain personality trait (flaw?) that leaves me open to abuse. The thought scares me to death. I can't live through it any more. Not only have I suffered at home for years and years, but I've tolerated abuse in the workplace. The last place I worked allowed, despite several letters to my boss, a peer to verbally and emotionally abuse me for three and a half years until I left. It was the most horrible workplace I've ever experienced. This peer was allowed to speak to me and about me in the most demeaning and awful ways. She enjoyed the occasional yelling bouts also...kinda felt like I was at some sort of sick boot camp. I spent many hours in the employee bathroom crying in the stalls. I wasn't very productive at times. I endured that then I went home for more. Why? Why did I allow all of this? I deserved it, right? Twisted thinking. Maybe that is part of the reason why I liked hurting myself too. I hope I am strong enough to grab myself back for good!! I know I'm in there somewhere!
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