Rebirth

My coping sickness of drinking began to accelerate around 2002. I began drinking daily and with increasing frequency up until, oh, I guess, a little over three years ago. What I thought was my only way out was slowly killing me. I didn't care. I really should be dead right now. For some reason, I'm still here. The drinking actually kept me deep in the throes of the depression I felt I would never escape. My parents, brother, and boys would shed tears when they would see me. I didn't understand until recently how far gone I was. After I filed for divorce, my avalanche was still rolling downhill at breakneck speed and I didn't care. I hit my bottom and realized that I was slowly trying to commit suicide. Over several months, I gradually weaned myself off of my crutch and now have a clear head and body. Wow. I actually have feelings. I am so amazed how I gave my soul to my abuser. I have reclaimed my soul and body and will never relinquish them again. I feel sorry for my abuser along with a profound amount of bitterness. In a twisted sort of way, I'm glad I went through what I went through. I know what manipulation is and it is scary. I know what demons look like.